Sam from Boston wrote the following question to me:
“MJ, a serious question. I’ve been married for 8 years and the first 3 years my Wife and I had a hot sex life. Somewhere around the 3 to 5 year mark my eye started to wander and I desired more variety in my sex life. I’ve never allowed myself to “fall” for another Woman but I’ve used Internet porn and massage parlors to keep me sexually satisfied. My Wife and I are good friends and I believe that she finds me to be a valuable Man. She can be cute and sexy as hell when she wants to be but I’m just not that attracted to her in that way. How can I fall back in love with her and get my desire back for her? I sometimes think that I’m just one of those Men who needs multiple Wives or Partners and I’ll never be satisfied with just one Woman.
Sam, a serious question deserves a serious answer! How does a Man fall back in love with his Wife – sexually?
The first thing that I would recommend is that you start to notice and verbalize EVERY single thing that you like about her.
Start with her inner beauty – focus on how much you love the way she’s always happy, sweet, articulate, brave or loving. Whenever she displays these characteristics compliment her out loud, “I love the way you are always so positive. I love how you always greet me with a smile in the morning. You know what I like about you? I like that you were so brave to start your side business – I’m so proud of what you are doing to help people!”
You can tell her with your voice, text it to her, leave her a yellow sticky note or write her an email.
Try this for just 30 days. Now, you may think that I’m recommending that you do this so that she will be attracted to you and will want to move toward you but NO that’s not whom I think you should be trying to woo!
You don’t need to stimulate her – we need to stimulate YOU! It is vital that YOU remember and re-familiarize yourself with all the qualities that made you want to WIN her in the beginning. Those qualities may be hidden a bit but they are still there.
It’s your job as the PURSUER to bring them to the surface. By speaking them to her you are more importantly reminding your heart, mind and soul how amazing and alluring she is.
Next, start speaking about her physical beauty – find the body parts and things about her that attractive to you. Her neck, her feet, the curve of her hips, her great smell, her luxurious hair, her earlobes or the small of her back. Focus, focus, focus on what you find irresistible about her.
Now, tell her with your voice. Whisper into her ear how much you love her hips, her lips, her curves, her smell, her look or even the way she walks.
Re-discover your Wife’s sexiness! Maybe her body has changed since you married her but you can always find something about her voice, the sensuality of her lower lip or the brightness of her eyes.
Compliment, Compliment, Compliment her. Text it to her, write it in a card and hide the card in her lingerie drawer or write her an “You know what drives me crazy about you?” email.
Why are you doing this? To excite and seduce her? NO! You need to seduce YOURSELF back into love with all of your Wife’s alluring attributes.
Start noticing what you like and love about her. It will take about 30 days for you to notice that you want to touch her more, feel her skin, hug her more.
Then start kissing her more – not trying to get sex. Just kiss her with long, luxurious kisses. Try kissing her and making out with her. Touch her neck, her back, her arms or caress her skin while you are kissing her. When you kiss her massage her head with your fingernails and see if it gets a response. Whisper into her ear how much she makes you crazy with desire.
Obviously I’m going to recommend that you stop masturbating to porn and start letting your own “buildup” happen and then direct it to your Wife.
Try this for 30 days and let me know the result.
Strength and Honor,
MJ Durkin, Son of Thomas