This Man in our Private Facebook Group for Men asked this question:
So…what is the secret to forever lasting relationships? Is a relationship like a great book? And once you have read, fell in love with and mastered all the chapters…what then? It just sits on the shelf till something else draws your attention? Once your partner knows everything and knows you inside and out, what keeps it going? I guess you will forever be changing to hopefully keep things interesting..
Interested in your thoughts..
Fascinating question young Man! Excellent! Is a relationship like a great book and once you’ve read it, fell in love with it and then mastered it – what then?
When a Man and a Woman get Married a “Third Entity” is created – this is the Relationship. It is a living, breathing entity so to speak and it is the place of Spiritual Intersection for the Couple. In order for this to work each person in the Relationship must be an individual FIRST and must be completely self-sufficient, content, complete and satisfied to a large degree with who they are. They must have their own Higher Power and not have a NEED for the other person to make them feel complete. Message? Men, get solid, make money, get confident and feel good about yourself before you enter into a Long Term Committed Relationship. Date like crazy and experience many different Women on multiple levels but don’t glom onto ONE as your “Soul-Mate.”
In a Long Term Committed Relationship (Marriage) you have to keep “feeding” the “Third Entity” – the Relationship. If you as a Man don’t do this the “fire of desire” will slowly burn out, become embers and then just go out – poof! Then as you say, “It’s now a book on the shelf that is “mastered” and you start looking for a new book!” Good point! But you should never let it get to that point. Here’s some tactics, tips, techniques and observations:
- Your Woman is always changing. Women massively change every 3 to 5 years. They are looking for new ideas, books, social media platforms, clothes, relationship ideas – they love that stuff. Stay up to date with your Woman. Don’t let her grow past you – grow with her or alongside her. Keep learning & keep reaching to master things outside of your grasp.
- Keep mentioning to your Wife what you LIKE, LOVE and think is great about her, your Marriage, your sex life, your children, your faith life – EVERYTHING. Keep asking, “So what did you like best about our weekend, our love-making or the dinner last night?” I asked The Beautiful Bonnie the other night: “What did you like best about the Valentine’s Dinner that made for you the other night?” She mentioned all the things that she liked but said, “The thing I like the best was that you thought about it and had to plan it ahead of time. That shows me and makes me feel like I’m really important to you – it made me feel very special and very loved.” Now, the most important part of this technique is that I’m reminding her and having her say out loud what she likes and loves about the way that I’m loving her and taking care of her and our Family. This is genius! It causes the FIRE of DESIRE to burn brightly and NEVER go out. Keep asking your Wife, “What did you like most about this…?” Keep focusing her on what’s good and what is working in your Relationship. The added benefit? Make a list of all the things she raves about and continue to do those things or different versions of them. If she constantly lets you know what you she likes – you can keep giving her what she likes if you keep getting her to say it then she is ALWAYS focused on what is good about you and the Marriage. She has very little chance to focus on what she doesn’t like.
- Keep Mastering Your Marriage. Men LOVE to Master things. It is at our CORE. We love to be good at shooting, driving, business, selling, preaching – you name it – we love to Master it. Keep Mastering your Marriage and you’ll always be interested in her and feeding the 3rd The more you Master the more you will be thrilled about being with your Wife.
There are many areas to Master in a Marriage:
- Words of Romance.
- Speaking, Writing and even Singing the “Windsong.”
- Being the “Most Interesting Man in the World.”
- Asking great questions of her. Knowing her heart, her goals and what “lights her up.”
- Making money – security, saving money & providing resources.
- Complimenting your Wife.
- Being a Pro in the Bedroom – Bringing your Wife to multiple orgasms – before you orgasm.
- Doing acts of service for her – massaging her, doing chores with her and giving her chances to be alone and recharge.
- Being a Man with a Plan – Proactively planning the dates and events to woo her and spend time with her.
- Praying, meditating and reading to her.
- Staying positive and being a force for positivity in your home.
- Being confident, strong and someone she can lean into.
- Bringing fun to the whole family and making your Wife laugh.
- Being ripped and shredded and giving your Wife a hot body to make love to.
- Being awesome to her Family and helping them and being the “ROCK” for everyone in your Family Circle.
- Accepting her quirks and flaws – finding them cute.
- Mastery of the 97% Rule – Not arguing and saying stupid stuff to your Wife.
- Keeping your Masculine Edge by having a Circle of Power around you!
- Living by a Code – Not being distracted by other Women, Porn, Gambling, Drugs or Alcohol.
- Handling set backs and letting your Wife emote to you – crying in your chest while you handle her emotions and don’t give advice.
- Being a great Kisser, Handholder, Toucher and Hugger for your Wife.
- Taking her to Church, Synagogue or Mosque.
- Giving your anger, fear and lack of confidence to your Men – not to your Wife.
- Being generous to your Wife with your money, your love, your listening, your help and your penis!
- Getting help, Coaching, Mentoring and Advice about how to be better in your Marriage!
Ricky, Mastering this List should keep you very interested in your Beloved for 20 or 30 years. When you have these 26 things Mastered and you find your interest waning and you want to go find a new book – contact me! I’ll give you another List.
All the Best in Marriage and Life, MJ Durkin